Dating in My 40s

Life really does begin at forty. Up until then, you are just doing research.”

 — Carl G Jung

As a life coach, I often guide others to explore their lives with authenticity. But I, too, have my personal journey. Recently, as I am single,  I decided to step into a space completely new to me and that is online dating. For the very first time, in my life, I created a profile on a dating app and that too for a week. 

I wasn’t looking for love, intimacy, or even marriage. My intention was simple: to see the world through the eyes of others and to learn how people in different walks of life perceive survival, sustainability, success, and happiness. What I discovered in just a week surprised me and left me reflecting deeply.

The Unexpected Beginnings 

Within two days of joining the app, I had over 1,500 likes. Every day, the number kept increasing by a hundred more. I was astonished. As a newcomer, I explored and overwhelmed —I was reading faces, bios, and little glimpses of people’s lives.

I realized very quickly that people carry energies, and you can feel them even through a screen.

So, What I Discovered

Some profiles were absolutely fascinating—handsome, fit, and full of life, even in their late 40s or 50s. Some were intellectuals, leaders, and individuals radiating positive energies.  Conversations with them were deep, lively, and meaningful. I felt lucky to connect with such fantastic individuals who also found my thoughts valuable.. 

At the same time, I also came across the other side: people struggling with emotional baggage, judgments, negativity, and egos. The strange part was—they often didn’t realize it. Some even dismissed me as “AI” just because I didn’t share my personal number. Ironically, that only confirmed to me how strong and authentic my voice really is.

My Approach

I put up a very simple, unedited display picture. No glamour, no exposure—because that’s not who I am. I wanted to show myself as I am - raw and grounded.

For me, the experience was less about finding a “match” and more about asking deeper questions: What does it mean to connect? What do we really long for?

It reminded me of the dialogue between Nagasena and King Milinda, where Nagasena explained that the “self” is not a single entity but an aggregate of many things, linked together by cause and effect. Similarly, what I experienced on the app felt like encountering many reflections of life was part of stories, beliefs, and desires—all forming a larger picture of longing.

Lessons from a Week

1. Many people, even in their 40s and 50s, are still searching for long-term companionship. Behind polished pictures there lies a void and that they are brave enough to acknowledge it. 

2. Authenticity speaks louder than glamour. Simplicity attracts deeper conversations.

3. Some connections bring joy , but also not everyone aligns with your energy, and that’s perfectly fine.

4. Curiosity opens doors to genuine understanding.

5. Spiritually, I feel whole and guided, but genuine human connections bring extra light and confidence to the journey.

6. I found not only new perspectives on others, but also deeper truths within myself. 

7. At the same time, I also noticed a pattern—many seemed to be running toward materialistic show-offs, trying to fit others into predefined brackets or societal norms.I believe self-worth is never in outfits or show-offs or to "fit in"—it lies in dignity, individuality, and acceptance.

The Swipe Dilemma

On dating apps, a right swipe means acceptance and a left swipe means rejection. For me, this was difficult. I often paused before swiping left because I wondered: Who am I to reject someone? Every profile represented a human being with their own story, their own hopes.

I felt genuine gratitude for everyone who liked me. As a resilient woman who has faced many storms in life, I valued their gesture—it mattered. And from my heart, I wished them the best. May they all find their beautiful and worthy partners. 

And silently, I also prayed: “God, please forgive me for swiping left on some hearts who liked my profile. Bless them too, and guide them towards love and light.”

In just a week, I discovered something precious. Dating in your 40s is not about chasing love or proving worth—it is about rediscovering perspectives, expanding horizons, and realizing that we can still be surprised by life.

I stepped into this space as an explorer, not as seeker.  And in the process, I didn’t just discover others—I also discovered new facets of myself.

What touched me most was realizing that even in my 40s, I am seen, valued, and wanted. Their interest reminded me that life does not end at a number—it continues to unfold in delightful ways. 

No matter if connections fade away, I will carry this as one of my most meaningful and enriching experiences, with gratitude in my heart.

With 💕 

Nihira